My Holiday (For Lack of a Better Post Title)

Bushy's birthday happened. We drove and we drank and we laughed and we talked and we ate and we talked some more and Jenna and I slept on the couches next to the kitchen and I was too scared to sleep because the demon was making noises all night so I made Nicole come down from upstairs and come and get us. And that's what happened.

Sam's birthday happened. We drove and we tanned (I use the term "tanned" very loosely) and we talked and we laughed and we ate and we swam and we lazy river'ed that bitch up and we took part in a competition and we thought we won so we celebrated our win but then we didn't actually win but then the winner gave us the prize anyway so we won wine and then we drove home and then we drank, a lot, and I didn't feel anything (but that's a story for another time) and then we slept and then we woke up and then we talked some more. And that's what happened.

And I went to my favourite place on Earth - The Kruger National Park. I saw elephants and impala and rhinos and lions and buffalo and birds and monkeys and more elephants and squirrels and I drank cheap box Mojito and I saw more elephants and then I remembered that I'm afraid of elephants and then I cried and then I pulled myself together and then we saw a burnt out car in the middle of the bush and then we drove and drove and drove and there was some more driving and then we went to so many different camps and then I gazed up at the stars and I could see so many of them because there was no light pollution and it was so much more beautiful than anyone could ever imagine and then there were some more elephants.

And then Sam and I went to Ballito. And we drove and we drove but not too much driving and then we went to the beach and we tanned (again, loosely) and then we ate pizza and then we walked and walked and walked and walked forever and then we stopped walking and we sat down on the sand and then we ate more pizza and then we ate Steers and then we watched Survivor and then we went to Gateway and we watched American Pie and we laughed and we laughed and we laughed and then we ate more pizza and then we went to the beach and we drank and drank and drank and I had deep conversations with Sam's brother and then we stumbled home and then we went night swimming and then we slept and we slept and we slept and then we went swimming and we avoided the local surfers because they wanted to stab us and then we slept and then drove and then we ate KFC and watched Project X and I laughed and Sam cried and then we ate McDonalds and then we ate Wimpy and ate and ate and ate and drove and drove and drove and that was all.

And then I read the Hunger Games and it was amazing.

And I think some other stuff happened too, but I can't really remember any of it.

And then I blinked and now I'm back at school.

Ales's 18th

"Smart casual" was what was printed on the Beatles themed invitation. Fuck.

There's a thin line between smart and casual, and it was a line that I managed to miss every single time. I always went either too smart or too casual (and by "too smart", I mean "too casual"). So, one can only imagine the state I was in on that fateful Saturday morning, considering it was the very first 18th of 2012, and it had to be perfect. My mom dropped me off at Fourways Mall at around 10 o'clock and gave me two hours to find something to wear (because, apparently, wearing my Bob Marley harem pants from the flee market was not appropriate). As you can expect, I didn't find anything, and I was in a really bad mood. I was on the edge of despair when my mom called me and told me to come meet her in Sandton City and that I could look for something in Cotton On.

Four hours, a pair of black jeggings, a brown belt, a white tank top, a red and blue plaid shirt, and a pair of hipster glasses later, I was ready to get my groove on.

The reason this post has taken so long is because I was waiting for the pictures to be uploaded onto Facebook. As it turns out, that party wasn't that well documented (which in hindsight, is probably a very, very good thing). But, never fear, here are some of the pictures that I tracked down and stole from a few of my friends' Facebook pages, without permission:

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

I'd say the birthday girl is having a good time, wouldn't you?

That party brought my grade together like I never expected. And just to try and convey to you how kick-ass it was: The party was on a Saturday night. A certain guy was only fit enough (if you know what I mean) to come back to school on Thursday. We thought he died. Okay, not really... but we were starting to.

Stay tuned for the entry regarding Bushy's 18th which is taking place tomorrow.

Here is the basic plan for her celebrations:

• 11am: Meet at her house and go off to town to a little place called Neighbour Goods for some shopping and intoxicating and all-around merriment.
• 5pm: Go back to Bushy's house.
• 7pm: Enjoy a lovely dinner at Design Quarter.

Here is what will actually happen:

• 11am: Meet at her house and go off to town to a little place in Neighbour Goods for some shopping and intoxicating and all-around merriment.
• 8am (Sunday morning): Wake up in Benoni, with nothing but a face tattoo and a monkey.

You think I'm joking.

Get Psyched

Okay, so I know that owe you guys (I'm assuming that there's someone reading this. Hello? Anyone out there? Anyone?) a few entries pertaining to the 31 Day Challenge, and they're coming soon! Don't lose fate! But for now, I need to share this with you:

Each day is a day that you will never get back again. I'm not going to go off on a preach about seizing the day, but I'm going to tell you this: I'm happiest when I'm happy. And one thing that makes me happy is music. Particularly the type of music that makes me want to go wild and throw heavy stuff through windows. So, what I did today was one of the greatest things I've ever done - I made myself a Get Psyched playlist, which I will listen to whenever I'm feeling a bit down. I urge you all to do it. No, you don't have to make your own, that would be silly. Just copy mine. Seriously, do it

1. Hall & Oates - You Make My Dreams Come True
2. Billy Idol - Dancin' With Myself
3. Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock
4. House of Pain - Jump Around
5. Bruce Springsteen - Dancing In The Dark
6. Bruce Springsteen - Murder Incorporated
7. Joe Esposito - You're The Best Around 
8. Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name
9. Digital Underground - The Humpty Dance
10. Van Halen - Panama
11. Poison - Talk Dirty To Me
12. Rick Springfield - Jessie's Girl
13. Scorpions - Rock You Like A Hurricane
14. Journey - Don't Stop Believing
15. Journey - Anyway You Want It
16. Bon Jovi - Livin' On A Prayer
17. Damn Yankees - High Enough
18. The Clash - Should I Stay Or Should I Go?
19. Naughty By Nature - Hip Hop Hooray
20. AC/DC - Thunderstruck
21. Bon Jovi - It's My Life
22. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird
23. AC/DC - Highway To Hell
24. Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger

Is it a playlist that is comprised solely of 70's, 80's, and 90's rock? Yes. Yes, it is. Will it be the greatest playlist you ever listen to? Yes. Yes, it will be. Are you welcome? Yes. Yes, you are.

Ready Thy Tits

My next topic for discussion on my 31 Day Challenge is to reveal the weird things I do when I'm home alone. As you can imagine, I'm putting off posting that entry for as long as possible because when I do, I might not have any friends left and/or it might lead to my untimely and inevitable social downfall. Okay, as true as that is, the real reason that it's taking its time is because I haven't been home alone in a while and I have a little thing planned for you guys which requires me to, literally, be home alone.

Get it?

What I have planned is super exciting and it's going to knock your motherfucking socks off. And if it doesn't, well, that's awkward. 

Oh, and tomorrow I'm going to tell you about one of the greatest nights of my life.

So, there. You have two things to be excited for. What am I excited for? Tomorrow. You know why? Because tomorrow I get to see my amazing friends again.

Oh yeah and Glee.

11. If I Had 24 Hours To Live...

In light of recent events, the content of this entry has changed from what it would have been a week ago. Let me start off by saying that, as most of you probably already know, the Crawford family lost a brother this week. He went too young, and he will always be remembered, missed, and loved. I never met him, but he changed the way I look at things, as he did for many other people too. He's with God now, and I know he is happier and at peace. I am so saddened by how it had to happen, but I'm grateful in that, through this, many people have been affected and have decided to re-think certain aspects of life.

R.I.P Philip Lombard. There will never be another you, and you were so special, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me realise the things that I did. But I'm so sorry that it had to be that way, and I hope that I have the honour of meeting you one day, in another place.

If I had only 24 hours to live, and those 24 hours were tomorrow, this is the most perfect way I can think of to spend my last day:

I would walk up to this girl who is very important to me, who I haven't spoken to in a while, and I would pretend to be a jelly fish to rid the situation of any awkwardness. And then I'd give her a hug and tell her to come with me. Then, I'd get all of my friends and family members, and I'd shove them onto a plane (and being the nice person that I am, I'd totes pay for their tickets). I'd take everyone with me to Cape Town, because I've only seen the sea about three or four times in my life, and I haven't been in a while. We would spend the day on the beach - laughing, talking, recollecting memories and telling stories, listening to music, eating, drinking, singing, dancing, hugging, playing, trying to surf, and perving over hot surfers who actually know what they're doing. My jelly fish friend and I would play soccer one last time, and all my cougar friends and I would argue about who the hottest grade 8 (oh, speaking of hot grade 8's, before boarding the plane, I'd totally go all Cougar Town over my hot grade 8. Not in a weird way. I'm just saying) at our school is. We would have sushi and cocktails and macaroni and cheese and mexican food and McFlurrys and caramel vodka shots and we would talk about life and pretend to be all deep and philosophical, even though we'd probably be talking a load of bullshit. This would go on all day and all night, and, come sunrise, you would find us all huddled together on a blanket, looking out at the horizon, watching the waves, and listening to Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry. When the time came, I would get up, walk over to each person and give them the biggest bear hug. I would look them each in the eyes and tell them just how much I love them.

And then, I would walk away, happy as can be.

I Hate Valentines Day 2.0

This will only make sense to you if you've read I Hate Valentines Day, which you'll find located directly below this. So, in the middle of my anti-date with Noah, as we were discussing how forever alone we both are, I suggested that we make a pact that if neither of us are married by 40, we should just take it as a sign and tie the knot. 

He refused. Not in a joking way. He flat out refused to agree to the pact.

Fuck you, Valentines Day. 

I Hate Valentines Day

I have no doubt in my mind that this entry will join a countless number of other rants as to why V-Day should just be scrapped from the calendar, and it's slightly mainstream and cliched of me to do this, but I'm doing it anyway. I have never said the four words "I hate Valentines Day" and I never really thought that I'd be one of those people. But, as much of a cynic as I am, I still have a tiny shred of hope for the future, so let me rephrase:

I hated Valentines Day 2012.

Today sucked for the following reasons:

• For the 18th V-Day in succession, I was alone.
• I subjected myself to the torturous routine of Adele and Nutella right out of the jar. Now I have to exercise even more tomorrow to work that shit off. Fun.
• I was supposed to have a pizza-and-Glee night with Sam tonight, but I couldn't go.
• I wore a Forever Alone shirt today, which was all fun and games until I got home, curled up into the fetal position and realized how truly forever alone I really am.
• I missed the person who wasn't sitting next to me in Afrikaans today.
• V-Day whores.
• Today was the first Valentines Day that I cried.
• South Africa is like 45 years behind America in terms of television so I don't even get to watch the Valentines episode of Glee with the rest of the world tonight.
• Seriously, I ate my weight in Nutella. 
• NEVERMIND I'LL FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!
• I'm almost 100% sure that my 11 year old brother has a more eventful love life than me.
• I like someone who will never ever like me back.
• And the saddest reason of all, I had an anti-Valentines Day anti-date scheduled on Skype with my friend Noah from America. It was supposed to be 45 minutes ago and he's still offline. Does that mean I got stood up?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Valentines Day 2012 has to go down as one of the suckiest days ever. On the up side, we all wore awesome (and depressing) shirts, I got a few roses from friends, and I worked up the courage and sent out a rose to-

Oops. Noah just came online. Now I'm going to tell him everything I just told you. I guess you'll never know who got that rose.

10. Fears

When I was little, around five or six years old, I used to have night terrors. They were the worst things imaginable to me at the time, and I used to fear them more than anything. Each one felt like it lasted for hours, and no matter how loudly I screamed or how hard I kicked, I could not bring myself to wake up. The whole time it was happening, I knew it was just a dream and I knew that I was asleep, and I could hear my parents comforting me and trying to get me to calm down, but I just couldn't. It was as if the dream had a hold around me and it refused to let me go, like I was its prisoner. I don't know what else I could say to convey just how terrifying these occurrences were. Would you like to know what the dreams were about? 

They were about hoola-hooping ballerinas, and tortoises, and a land that was the smoothest place on the planet and yet, it was the rockiest piece of ground imaginable, with knifelike stone protruding in every direction. Yes. That's it. 

They also gave me weirdest of sensations. Like how, even though my parents were no more than a few centimeters away from me, their presence was lightyears away (sometimes, I still get that feeling. Especially if I'm lying close to someone. It's so oddly unexplainable). Or like the feeling that that piece of smooth, rocky land gave me (I also get that feeling sometimes, and sometimes I can see the smooth, rocky land. It's so addicting that I try to hold onto it, but as soon as I focus on it it disappears and for the life of me, I can't remember the feeling that I had just experienced seconds earlier).

It all sounds so... weirdly simple. And yet it had the potential to send me into screaming fits of panic. Strange, hey?

Which begs the question, what is fear? What is it really?

Fear is something that I will never teach my children. 

Fear is something that has the ability to overwhelm and control even the strongest of people.

Fear is something that induces our most primal and basic instincts.

Fear is something that is more powerful than anything else, if you allow it to be.

Fear is something that attaches itself to almost any aspect of our lives. 

Fear is something that can only survive if it is given the chance to breath.

Fear is something that scares me more than anything else. 

The ten most prevalent fears that exist within the human race as a whole are:

1. Glossophobia - The fear of public speaking.
2. Necrophobia - The fear of death.
3. Arachnophobia - The fear of spiders.
4. Myctophobia - The fear of darkness.
5. Acrophobia - The fear of heights.
6. Sociophobia - The fear of people or social situations.
7. Aerophobia - The fear of flying.
8. Agoraphobia - The fear of open spaces.
9. Astraphobia - The fear of thunder and lightning.
10. Claustrophobia - The fear of confined spaces. 

Of those top ten fears that exist in our global society, I suffer from numbers 2, 4, 5 and to a certain extent, 10. 

In addition to being afraid of death, heights, darkness and begin surrounded by people who are all going in different directions, I also have:

1. Selcahophobia - The fear of sharks.
2. Atychiphobia - The fear of failure (in things that I actually care about... Not, like, maths. Although at this point, I'm pretty damn scared of failing maths)
3. Isolophobia - The fear of being alone.
4. Dishabiliophobia - The fear of undressing in front of someone. (Awkward. I didn't know that was an actual fear until just now)
5. Gerascophobia - The fear of growing old.
6. Soteriophobia - The fear of dependence on others.
7. And some others that I couldn't find the technical name for:

• I am afraid of not being able to have children.
• I am afraid of being cheated on.
• I am afraid of losing my parents, or even seeing them grow old.
• I am afraid of losing my friends in any way, shape, or form.
• I am afraid of being lost at sea.
• I am afraid of regret.

Human beings are born with two innate fears, which are built into our psyche before we are even born, for the single reason of increasing the chance of survival: The fear of loud noises, which I no longer have, and the fear of falling. The rest, we learn on our own.

It's odd how fear, like every other powerful thing in this world, is actually just a state of mind. I believe that all existing fears known to mankind can be grouped into three fears: The fear of the unknown, the fear of the outcome, and the fear of rejection. And if we have it in us to expel those fears from our minds, I believe any individual can accomplish pretty much anything. And I don't know about you, but I would rather have a life of "oh well's" than a life of "what ifs".

What is fear? What is it really?

Fear is something that can be overcome. 

PS - I just had to include my all-time favourite fear: 

Anatidaephobia - The fear that somewhere in the world a duck is watching you.

Go on, think about it. Really imagine it. Scary as fuck, isn't it?

9. Obsessions

I have the right to blog. Anything I say today can't and won't be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to an attorney. If I cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to me by the court. You got that? Good. Now that we're in an agreement, here are some things that I am absolutely obsessed with, and not even ashamed to admit. (LOLJK. I'm so ashamed)

And there you have it. BOOMBAM MADAFAKA. (Oh, I'm also obsessed with saying that)

Sayonara, bitches.

OMGI'MSOSOSORRY

I'm so sorry that I abandoned you, dear blog.
I'm so sorry that I did not provide an account of my first month of matric, future me.
I'm so sorry that I ditched the 31 Day Challenge, past me.
And I'm so sorry that I left you, my amazing readers.

On that note, I AM BACK MOTHERFUCKERS!

And tomorrow, you get to find out what some of my obsessions are (I will complete the Letter To Someone at a later date). Isn't that exciting?!

Yes. Yes, it is.

8. A Letter To Someone: Part 1

I'm finally going back to the 31 Day Challenge!

And the first task of 2012 was to write a letter to someone. I decided that instead of just one letter, I would write two, each for a different recipient and each for a different purpose.

Last night, I wrote the first letter. I don't really feel like getting into detail regarding who it's for, what it's about, or when they're going to get it, so I'll just say this:

It was a letter than needed to be written just as much as it needs to be read. It is probably one of the most important letters that I have ever written, and when the person that it belongs to receives it, they'll know. Actually, now that I've said it, they'll know that it's important the second I hand them the three page, once folded over, little story of mine. I'm glad that I've written it, and I'll be glad when the person has read it, but for now, I am as nervous as all hell. Still, it simply has to be done. In those three short pages that I ripped out of my brand new exam pad, and scribbled down my ramblings, is nothing more and nothing less than the good, honest truth. I think that everyone should write letters of truth once in a while. I've written mine, the first one that another human being will read, and hopefully it will be worth it.

The second letter that I have chosen to write hasn't been written yet, which is why this is Part 1 of the "Letter to Someone" task. I don't know when I'll get around to writing it, but it should be soon; I may even start it now. When it's done, I'll post an entry about my thoughts, feelings, and intentions behind the letter. I would have left posting the details of the task until I was done with the second letter, but I felt as though I owed you (whoever you are) a new entry.

To be continued...

Living Well Is The Best Revenge

Today was mood-swing Saturday. First I was bored, then I was door-slamingly angry for no apparent reason, now I'm in a "get shit done and take no prisoners" mood.

It's only when your poison spreadsInto the life you hope to liveAnd suddenly you wake upIn a shaking panic, now
You set me up like a lamb to slaughterGarbo ask the farmer's daughterUnbelievable the gospel according to whoI lay right down
All you sad and lost apostlesHum my name and flair their nostrilsChoking on the bones you toss to them
I'm not one to sit and spin'Cos living well is the best revengeBaby, I am calling you on that.

Chapter 2012

Hello everybody. I do hope you all had a fantastic festive season, Merry Christmas, Happy New Years and whatnot. I am officially back in the swing of things in terms of my blogging, so you should be expecting a new post much more frequently from now on, but perhaps not every single day, but you know what? It would be great if  you dropped by every once in a while to check on things. If I don't post, it's because I have been lost in the sea of all the design homework that I have due on the first way of school, and I do apologise. I really can't bear to think about Design right now, so let's move on.

Boys and girls, the future is now. This is it. 2012.

Wow.

2012 is going to be a hugely important year in my life, probably one of the most important in the greater scheme of things. It's the first year without Harry Potter, my last year of high school, my last year as a child (according to law), my last year living at home (assuming I get into one of my desired universities), my last year with many of the kids I go to school with, many of whom I love dearly, my last year with my Design class, maybe even my last full year in South Africa for quite a while if all goes to plan (there are many variations of the plan, some involve leaving if I can, you know how it is) and, of course, come 21 December, we might all just, y'know... Kaput.

It seems as though this year marks the end of many things. Many things which I will miss so much more than I can imagine right now, things which I truly love with all my heart. Things which- Ah screw it, good riddance bitches!

Just joking.

This year is also going to be the best year of my life, so far! I am determined to make sure of that! No more childish drama that the previous years have brought with them. No, no more immature cat fights. This year, I will make it my mission to make my fights worthwhile, kick ass and take names! Bitch slaps heard around the world and all that grownup stuff!

Just joking.

Okay, I'm really messing up this whole "What I'm Hoping For in 2012" entry, so I'm just going to do this:

I am experienced enough to know that one can in no way plan exactly what is going to happen in the year ahead, and that things very rarely go according to plan. I am young enough to still hope for perfection. And I am hoping that I am grown up enough to be able to see perfection in imperfect situations.

Friends, there are 366 days in 2012, which means you have one extra day. Make it count.