Ready Thy Tits

My next topic for discussion on my 31 Day Challenge is to reveal the weird things I do when I'm home alone. As you can imagine, I'm putting off posting that entry for as long as possible because when I do, I might not have any friends left and/or it might lead to my untimely and inevitable social downfall. Okay, as true as that is, the real reason that it's taking its time is because I haven't been home alone in a while and I have a little thing planned for you guys which requires me to, literally, be home alone.

Get it?

What I have planned is super exciting and it's going to knock your motherfucking socks off. And if it doesn't, well, that's awkward. 

Oh, and tomorrow I'm going to tell you about one of the greatest nights of my life.

So, there. You have two things to be excited for. What am I excited for? Tomorrow. You know why? Because tomorrow I get to see my amazing friends again.

Oh yeah and Glee.

11. If I Had 24 Hours To Live...

In light of recent events, the content of this entry has changed from what it would have been a week ago. Let me start off by saying that, as most of you probably already know, the Crawford family lost a brother this week. He went too young, and he will always be remembered, missed, and loved. I never met him, but he changed the way I look at things, as he did for many other people too. He's with God now, and I know he is happier and at peace. I am so saddened by how it had to happen, but I'm grateful in that, through this, many people have been affected and have decided to re-think certain aspects of life.

R.I.P Philip Lombard. There will never be another you, and you were so special, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me realise the things that I did. But I'm so sorry that it had to be that way, and I hope that I have the honour of meeting you one day, in another place.

If I had only 24 hours to live, and those 24 hours were tomorrow, this is the most perfect way I can think of to spend my last day:

I would walk up to this girl who is very important to me, who I haven't spoken to in a while, and I would pretend to be a jelly fish to rid the situation of any awkwardness. And then I'd give her a hug and tell her to come with me. Then, I'd get all of my friends and family members, and I'd shove them onto a plane (and being the nice person that I am, I'd totes pay for their tickets). I'd take everyone with me to Cape Town, because I've only seen the sea about three or four times in my life, and I haven't been in a while. We would spend the day on the beach - laughing, talking, recollecting memories and telling stories, listening to music, eating, drinking, singing, dancing, hugging, playing, trying to surf, and perving over hot surfers who actually know what they're doing. My jelly fish friend and I would play soccer one last time, and all my cougar friends and I would argue about who the hottest grade 8 (oh, speaking of hot grade 8's, before boarding the plane, I'd totally go all Cougar Town over my hot grade 8. Not in a weird way. I'm just saying) at our school is. We would have sushi and cocktails and macaroni and cheese and mexican food and McFlurrys and caramel vodka shots and we would talk about life and pretend to be all deep and philosophical, even though we'd probably be talking a load of bullshit. This would go on all day and all night, and, come sunrise, you would find us all huddled together on a blanket, looking out at the horizon, watching the waves, and listening to Save Tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry. When the time came, I would get up, walk over to each person and give them the biggest bear hug. I would look them each in the eyes and tell them just how much I love them.

And then, I would walk away, happy as can be.

I Hate Valentines Day 2.0

This will only make sense to you if you've read I Hate Valentines Day, which you'll find located directly below this. So, in the middle of my anti-date with Noah, as we were discussing how forever alone we both are, I suggested that we make a pact that if neither of us are married by 40, we should just take it as a sign and tie the knot. 

He refused. Not in a joking way. He flat out refused to agree to the pact.

Fuck you, Valentines Day. 

I Hate Valentines Day

I have no doubt in my mind that this entry will join a countless number of other rants as to why V-Day should just be scrapped from the calendar, and it's slightly mainstream and cliched of me to do this, but I'm doing it anyway. I have never said the four words "I hate Valentines Day" and I never really thought that I'd be one of those people. But, as much of a cynic as I am, I still have a tiny shred of hope for the future, so let me rephrase:

I hated Valentines Day 2012.

Today sucked for the following reasons:

• For the 18th V-Day in succession, I was alone.
• I subjected myself to the torturous routine of Adele and Nutella right out of the jar. Now I have to exercise even more tomorrow to work that shit off. Fun.
• I was supposed to have a pizza-and-Glee night with Sam tonight, but I couldn't go.
• I wore a Forever Alone shirt today, which was all fun and games until I got home, curled up into the fetal position and realized how truly forever alone I really am.
• I missed the person who wasn't sitting next to me in Afrikaans today.
• V-Day whores.
• Today was the first Valentines Day that I cried.
• South Africa is like 45 years behind America in terms of television so I don't even get to watch the Valentines episode of Glee with the rest of the world tonight.
• Seriously, I ate my weight in Nutella. 
• NEVERMIND I'LL FIND SOMEONE LIKE YOUUUUUU!!!!!!!!
• I'm almost 100% sure that my 11 year old brother has a more eventful love life than me.
• I like someone who will never ever like me back.
• And the saddest reason of all, I had an anti-Valentines Day anti-date scheduled on Skype with my friend Noah from America. It was supposed to be 45 minutes ago and he's still offline. Does that mean I got stood up?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Valentines Day 2012 has to go down as one of the suckiest days ever. On the up side, we all wore awesome (and depressing) shirts, I got a few roses from friends, and I worked up the courage and sent out a rose to-

Oops. Noah just came online. Now I'm going to tell him everything I just told you. I guess you'll never know who got that rose.

10. Fears

When I was little, around five or six years old, I used to have night terrors. They were the worst things imaginable to me at the time, and I used to fear them more than anything. Each one felt like it lasted for hours, and no matter how loudly I screamed or how hard I kicked, I could not bring myself to wake up. The whole time it was happening, I knew it was just a dream and I knew that I was asleep, and I could hear my parents comforting me and trying to get me to calm down, but I just couldn't. It was as if the dream had a hold around me and it refused to let me go, like I was its prisoner. I don't know what else I could say to convey just how terrifying these occurrences were. Would you like to know what the dreams were about? 

They were about hoola-hooping ballerinas, and tortoises, and a land that was the smoothest place on the planet and yet, it was the rockiest piece of ground imaginable, with knifelike stone protruding in every direction. Yes. That's it. 

They also gave me weirdest of sensations. Like how, even though my parents were no more than a few centimeters away from me, their presence was lightyears away (sometimes, I still get that feeling. Especially if I'm lying close to someone. It's so oddly unexplainable). Or like the feeling that that piece of smooth, rocky land gave me (I also get that feeling sometimes, and sometimes I can see the smooth, rocky land. It's so addicting that I try to hold onto it, but as soon as I focus on it it disappears and for the life of me, I can't remember the feeling that I had just experienced seconds earlier).

It all sounds so... weirdly simple. And yet it had the potential to send me into screaming fits of panic. Strange, hey?

Which begs the question, what is fear? What is it really?

Fear is something that I will never teach my children. 

Fear is something that has the ability to overwhelm and control even the strongest of people.

Fear is something that induces our most primal and basic instincts.

Fear is something that is more powerful than anything else, if you allow it to be.

Fear is something that attaches itself to almost any aspect of our lives. 

Fear is something that can only survive if it is given the chance to breath.

Fear is something that scares me more than anything else. 

The ten most prevalent fears that exist within the human race as a whole are:

1. Glossophobia - The fear of public speaking.
2. Necrophobia - The fear of death.
3. Arachnophobia - The fear of spiders.
4. Myctophobia - The fear of darkness.
5. Acrophobia - The fear of heights.
6. Sociophobia - The fear of people or social situations.
7. Aerophobia - The fear of flying.
8. Agoraphobia - The fear of open spaces.
9. Astraphobia - The fear of thunder and lightning.
10. Claustrophobia - The fear of confined spaces. 

Of those top ten fears that exist in our global society, I suffer from numbers 2, 4, 5 and to a certain extent, 10. 

In addition to being afraid of death, heights, darkness and begin surrounded by people who are all going in different directions, I also have:

1. Selcahophobia - The fear of sharks.
2. Atychiphobia - The fear of failure (in things that I actually care about... Not, like, maths. Although at this point, I'm pretty damn scared of failing maths)
3. Isolophobia - The fear of being alone.
4. Dishabiliophobia - The fear of undressing in front of someone. (Awkward. I didn't know that was an actual fear until just now)
5. Gerascophobia - The fear of growing old.
6. Soteriophobia - The fear of dependence on others.
7. And some others that I couldn't find the technical name for:

• I am afraid of not being able to have children.
• I am afraid of being cheated on.
• I am afraid of losing my parents, or even seeing them grow old.
• I am afraid of losing my friends in any way, shape, or form.
• I am afraid of being lost at sea.
• I am afraid of regret.

Human beings are born with two innate fears, which are built into our psyche before we are even born, for the single reason of increasing the chance of survival: The fear of loud noises, which I no longer have, and the fear of falling. The rest, we learn on our own.

It's odd how fear, like every other powerful thing in this world, is actually just a state of mind. I believe that all existing fears known to mankind can be grouped into three fears: The fear of the unknown, the fear of the outcome, and the fear of rejection. And if we have it in us to expel those fears from our minds, I believe any individual can accomplish pretty much anything. And I don't know about you, but I would rather have a life of "oh well's" than a life of "what ifs".

What is fear? What is it really?

Fear is something that can be overcome. 

PS - I just had to include my all-time favourite fear: 

Anatidaephobia - The fear that somewhere in the world a duck is watching you.

Go on, think about it. Really imagine it. Scary as fuck, isn't it?

9. Obsessions

I have the right to blog. Anything I say today can't and won't be used against me in a court of law. I have the right to an attorney. If I cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to me by the court. You got that? Good. Now that we're in an agreement, here are some things that I am absolutely obsessed with, and not even ashamed to admit. (LOLJK. I'm so ashamed)

And there you have it. BOOMBAM MADAFAKA. (Oh, I'm also obsessed with saying that)

Sayonara, bitches.

OMGI'MSOSOSORRY

I'm so sorry that I abandoned you, dear blog.
I'm so sorry that I did not provide an account of my first month of matric, future me.
I'm so sorry that I ditched the 31 Day Challenge, past me.
And I'm so sorry that I left you, my amazing readers.

On that note, I AM BACK MOTHERFUCKERS!

And tomorrow, you get to find out what some of my obsessions are (I will complete the Letter To Someone at a later date). Isn't that exciting?!

Yes. Yes, it is.